Is Time on Your Side?
3 Steps to Get it Back
I love the Stones song, yet this statement has always puzzled me. As a chronic rusher of things, it’s painful to be reminded that how I spend my time is mostly my choice, and that not everything - in fact most things - happen in the time I would really like them to. My tendency to rush has served me in many instances. It has pushed me to take action, take risks, try new things, jump in, start before I’m “ready”. And it has caused me much anguish.
For me, rushing can tip from being action-oriented, to being stress-driven and stress-inducing, which is really no fun at all and is very inefficient. I rush into a commitment without fully checking in with myself on the impact of it or assessing whether or not I can actually deliver on the desired result in the desired timeframe. I put unnecessary pressure on myself to deliver things in unreasonable timelines. Sometimes I even use my rushing as a strategy to motivate myself by not giving myself enough time to do something and then I have to rush (see below on to-do list overwhelm).
I often feel like I don’t have enough time, or like I suck at time, or why can’t I just figure out how to have more time?! If only I could have 2 more hours in a day, I would move mountains! Perhaps now you understand more about why I am so focused on doing less these days ;) (hint: it’s because I want to feel like I have more time!).
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”
-Abraham Lincoln
Do you ever make a to-do list for the day that is so long and daunting that none of the things on the list get done? You procrastinate because the sheer overwhelm of the number of things is just too much. I have heard that procrastination is a form of stress coping which absolutely resonates. The irony being that if we did even the smallest task, the momentum would cause the other tasks to fall like dominos, yet I too have felt the paralysis of having so much going on that you don’t know where to start, so you don’t start at all.
Which then leads to even more rushing because you didn’t take the time you had to do the things, so now you have to try to accomplish those things in an even smaller time window, which only breeds stress and resentment. Even just writing about this vicious cycle is making me feel anxious.
So how do we go about getting a handle on our time? When I am feeling like things are off the rails, these are some steps I take in an effort to get time back on my side.
Audit your calendar
Whenever things feel out of control, I find it really calming to look ahead in time and audit what’s on my calendar. I ask myself things like:
Am I on my calendar? ex. if you know you enjoy a specific activity or hobby, is it part of the plan?
Are my values being honoured with how I am spending my time? ex. if you value nature, do you have time carved out to get your body outside?
Am I giving things the appropriate amount of time? ex. did I have an unrealistic expectation for travel time etc.
Where have I committed to something that I now want out of? ex. I told a friend I could give feedback on her new website and I keep putting it off. Hot tip: the sooner you communicate that you are no longer able to fulfill the commitment, the less harmful the impact will be to your relationship with those you have committed to.
What things on the calendar am I excited for? What things am I dreading?
Are the ways I am spending my time filling me up or depleting me?
Are the systems and structures in place in my life supportive of how I am spending my time?
Permission to Opt Out
“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
-Bruce Lee
I know many of you out there have a hard time saying no to things. Same here. Once you have audited how you are spending your time, you may need to choose to opt out of some of your commitments.
I recognize this is tricky because it preys upon our sense of identity. What will people think if I say no? Who am I if I’m not doing 100 things in a day? I have found that in reality, no one is paying as much attention to you as you think. And most often, people really appreciate when you show up fully in and fully present. There’s nothing worse for me than being somewhere or doing something I don’t really want to do because I am so preoccupied with other stuff. Do yourself and everyone around you a favour and opt out if you’re not a full “yes” for it.
Get Picky
I come back to the reminder that you always have choice, moment to moment. The things you have on your calendar are there because you put them there and you get to choose what you keep or toss. As you peel back the number of things on your plate, be very discerning about what you add back in, and maybe you don’t add anything back in!
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.”
-Michael Altshuler
Many of the people I respect most have very healthy boundaries with their time. They prioritize themselves, they don’t over-commit, they are honest about how long things will take and communicate that clearly, they do mostly things they actually want to do.
I aspire to be better with time, and am here alongside you in the pursuit of it. Now let’s get time back on our sides so we can all breathe.
Onward,
Sydney